Hey babe, i know that my tumblr is only full of my super emotional dark shit about when we werent so aight but i jus wanna let you know that for what came at the end of the tunnel, im glad i walked over the fire. So in case youre wondering why i dont post as much stuff on my tumblr is because rai now, i have nothing to vent about. And if i do, you’ll be the first to hear about it (and rhea will be 2nd xD). So lets top my tumblr on a higher note over my depression posts about being confused. I never want us to become like how we were when we like were at war or some shii. Later this phrase will change but…
I really like you alot
-Ling Ling
Why do i keep making everything hard on myself? why is it that i ruin every chance for what my heart would like to think? well… i jus simply dont know. But what i do know is that we can never be what my heart would like to envision. and still you cant tell me that. Why not??? Just please tell me that we will never ever because my heart is still clinging to that loose thread hanging off your shirt and no matter how much my mind says to let go, it just wont. We both very well know that you dont like me. So why cant you say it? Is it about hurting my feelings? It shouldnt cuz you said that it wouldnt matter anyway if you did. YOU know the answer will never come to yes, yet you still say I dont know… Well either way, i would like to take that i dont know as a no…
You know that feeling you get when youre all like “damn i wish i tried”… Well fuck that mine is worse because the problem is that i TRIED to do something that was pretty extreme and the thing is… I FAILED!!! And what makes it worse is that it didnt change shit, it jus made me realize that this isnt done. Before i was okay us being distant. In fact, i was happy but the thing is that i DONT want that to happen again. So the thing i have to say is FUCK!!! Also, i didnt think anything, i reacted on impulse. It wasnt till after i failed that i took the in the gravity of what i was doing and i am pretty dumb. well yep
If i was being a little unfriendly or secretive this week, it was because I was not okay. I decided to ask that question because before, I didnt want you to choose cause time is the always the damn answer. But i did now becuase i came to the realization, it would not hurt you to ask and it just kept the knife within my heart for the time being. But the first step to heal from being stabbed is to remove the blade from the wound and im glad it wasnt too deep. The next is to heal and thats when time will take its role. Sure Ill still bleed untill it is closed but ill get better. But about our friendship… I still dont feel as if I am yours so that is still undecided…
Sorry, i just dont know what to think. Does she really like me or does she just like the fact that she has total control over my emotions. Excuse me if its jelousy but why is it that i feel she’d rather hang out with every other guy but me? And how you say that you still like me is just a word. Coming from all people, I guess im the one saying that sometimes, Words just sometimes have no meaning. So when have you just called to talk when it didnt concern a situation of some sort? When have you came over just to say hi when it was out of your convinience? When have I gotten a friendly hug that you give to every other guy? So you know what? Im done sticking my hand over the fire trying to reach yours out when im only grabbing air. Im done sticking tight to your leash, im gnawing my collar off even if it scars my neck in the procces. Im done trying to get to the shore on the driftwood called “hope” because it seems that I’d be better off sinking than dying of exaustion. And for your confusion… Let me take one of your choses off the list so you have a easier time picking. And is this stirring up drama? Nah, drama requires emotion that you do not have for me. Also, theres no need to worry who reads save the little staff man since you are my only follower. Heres my feelings that i oh so secretly hide written in text. Dont mistake me for not caring. Im just tired…
Fat Jon - Tranquilizer
just sweat out tears
and along with everything that has been happening in my life, the answer will come in time
